The sun is shining, I had great creative photography excursion yesterday and last week’s pause is at an end. I have a great view today, but it’s a changing view. I’ve come through the other side of my little break but not without making some important discoveries.
You see, there was more to the pause than my Mom visiting for a week. Underlying the feeling was a growing sense of dissatisfaction with some elements of my creative life. It was as if I was seeing through a dirty window but could sense something more on the other side. After journaling about it the last few days and making some mental shifts and decisions, I want to share them here.
For a little while now, I’ve felt as if I’m not using my creative time on what I want to be using it for. Here I’ve arranged my whole schedule, working part time at my corporate job and all, to give myself more creative time. And yet I’ve filled it with my “to do” list. Always more to do, isn’t there?
So I’ve taken a look at what I want to be doing with my time and what I have been doing with my time to see what is causing the tension. Based on that, I will be making some changes to create the space I feel I need to continue to grow.
What I want to be doing…
I want to continue to develop my art. I want to spend more time in developing my own aesthetic through study, creation of new work and exploration of print. How I do that is ever-changing and up in the air at the moment, but it requires time.
I want to be hiking in the forest regularly, for my mental and physical health. There is something about being among the trees that brings me peace and makes me feel alive. I want to do more of it, several mornings a week at least.
I want to continue to connect with other artists, both in person and online. The connection and inspiration I find through running my eCourses, my blog, Photo-Heart Connection, the Liberate Your Art postcard swap and interacting with local photography friends are all important and valuable to me, and I can see the value to others as well. I need time to develop these meaningful relationships.
What I have been doing…
I have been spending a lot of time with writing things that aren’t necessarily aligned with my personal goals listed above. Things like trying to blog daily, send a newsletter twice a month, and the Exploring with a Camera blog series. All are things that have been an important part of my creative journey in the past, but they don’t seem to fit the same way they once did.
My intention in the future is to blog when I have something meaningful to say, rather than as a daily routine or weekly/monthly schedule. I think the quality of what I share will improve, even if the frequency lessens. The one schedule thing that you can be sure of: Photo-Heart Connection will continue on the first of each month. Beyond that, I could be here 5 days a week or 1 day a week; we’ll just see what happens.
Exploring with a Camera is going on hiatus for a while. While I love this series and have never written one exploration I didn’t fully enjoy, as I look to the future I’m not sure I still have the inspiration to continue. At least, as I look at my personal schedule for the next few months, I feel overwhelmed when I think of this series rather than enthused. Beyond a few months, I’ll see how I feel. In addition to my own personal reservations for coming months, participation has been steadily declining over time, so I wonder if there is still interest out there. What I spend my time sharing needs to be valuable to both me and others, or there is no point in spending all of the time it takes to write if it’s not useful.
My newsletter will go to once a month for a while, too. I love being able to connect with more people through this method of communication, but it takes a lot more of my time than I’ve wanted to acknowledge. I also have to admit I’ve been overwhelmed by all that comes to my email inbox of late and I think about that for all of my subscribers too. I want any email I send you to be important and useful, not just because it’s on a twice-a-month schedule. Going down to once a month saves me the time of creating the newsletter and the burden on all of your email inboxes, while still keeping in touch in this great way.
I will also be changing my class schedule to give myself some more time off over the summer. Summer is gorgeous, but too short, in Oregon. I need to spend more time outside and less on the computer. It doesn’t affect any eCourses in progress or A Sense of Place (planned for April-May – registration opens VERY soon), but it will affect the schedule for the rest of 2013 beyond May. As I sort it out and finalize dates I will keep you informed through my blog, website and newsletter.
I feel good about these decisions and know they will allow me the time and the space for new things to grow. I’m seeing a little more clearly now, thanks to the pause and the needed introspection. I found out what was on the other side of that murky window I was looking through last week. It’s looking pretty interesting, too!
Admitting some of these feelings to myself and deciding to make these changes has been an internal struggle. Many of these decisions run counter-intuitive to the common wisdom of running an online business, much of which advises regular interaction on a high frequency through as many channels as possible. The changes also mean mixing up things that have clearly worked for me in the past, and that’s always uncomfortable.
My heart is telling me to throw that common wisdom out the window and that it’s time for a new way of doing things. If I’m not spending the time I need to grow myself creatively — in the direction my heart tells me — then I’m not going to add anything useful to the conversation. And more than anything, I want to add something useful to the conversation of art, creativity and photography. For myself and for all of you.
I too have been struggling with my blog… in fact, picking up my camera has been put on the backburner. I’m not sure why, but I’m going to be gentle and realize this will pass – and once again my camera will be my best buddy. Will keep checking me.
FYI – I really wanted to participate in the postcard event, but it falls during one of the busiest times of the year. Any chance you might move it to one of those “dead months” where we struggle with creativity?
oh – how embarrassing – I just read I can still sign-up and get my postcards to you by the deadline. Perhaps that’s what I need to do to get moving again.
It has been way too long since I visited you and left a comment. But recently I found your blog again and I enjoy reading your thoughts and admiring your photographs.
I know the feeling of struggling with these kinds of things. But I am absolutely certain you’ll make the right decision. In the past I have noticed that when you follow your heart beautiful things happen. For you ánd your followers.
Hugs to you, Kat! xx
Kat, it sounds like your pause gave you time to think and make some important decisions. Only you can decide what is best for you, but I can tell you that what you’ve outlined here sounds reasonable and right to me. You do need space and time to life your own life in all its aspects, and I don’t know how you’ve kept up with it all.
I’m glad you still plan to offer A Sense of Place, since I’ve really been looking forward to that. And the Photo-Heart Connection is dear to my own heart, too.
But…I do love that image of the old truck through the DIRTY window! 🙂
While you said it so eloquently …I saw my self mirrored in that dirty window. I fine the time I spend on that “organizational” side of my brain is actually my “fear” of getting started. Lists do indeed look like something…and being from a corporate setting, we are always being asked to ‘account” for our time. Your insights are right on target…you are dedicating so much time teaching us and enhancing our skills that it is indeed time to take that creative journey you set out on. It is all a part of the process. Blessings to you and yes….I shall be sending post cards!! Love and insight….She-shed those needs to teach and set forth on a journey to learn. xxo
Thank you so much Teena! I like the idea of being on my own “journey to learn” for a while.
I think so many of us can relate to the struggles and the reasons for various decisions. Thanks for sharing them…it always gives me something to think about in my own world.
So glad you are getting to know yourself and what You want and You need to do. I have learned we don’t have to do things like everyone else says. It is more valuable to do things in the way that speaks to you and your creativity and it gives power to all who read and see your pictures to knowthis. I too need to see what feeds me best, to do my best at my volunteer job, with my friends and in the artistic things I want to do. Thank you
I fully support your decision. It takes courage to put yourself out to the public and explain your more intimate feelings and questions that are stirring within your heart. It is amazing what you have been able to accomplish, all you have helped, considering you have family and professional work. Recently I made a decision I KNEW had to be made, for better or worse, but I dreaded doing it and postponed much too long. I found I couldn’t keep up with two blogs. What a relief and also, a sense of abandonment, I felt when I finally committed. And now I find that one is difficult. Giving greater thought now over my struggle that I should tackle learning Lightroom, fancier textures, etc. For what? I so fully can feel your heart and reasoning. Bless you as you move forward and enjoy living more into the space you have created. smiles: sharon
It certainly is the year for change, and well done for taking the time needed to let it happen. It sounds very exciting, and I look forward to seeing what creative developments arise out of your new “Let’s see what happens” journey.
The great thing for us readers is that everything is still here in the archives in case we have missed something. Best wishes.
Bravo for following your heart in this new way. Recently I have been reminded of the joy of evolution in life. Each step can bring us to new places of insight and direction. I look forward to following along as your journey continues to expand, unfold and develop.
So great that you can see what it is you want..and are bravely taking that step to make it work for you. Bravo for setting that intention.,and now following thru!!!
I can understand, Kat, what you are saying as I have had and am still suffering through somewhat similar experiences myself. Allowing time for my creativity, my partner, and my home is difficult when outside influences are constantly demanding. I find it hard to say NO but I’m trying to learn that sometimes I have to do just that. I think you’re on the right track for you and I wish you well in your endeavors. This desert dweller, however, does envy your access to a nearby forest. 🙂
Vi
Wow Kat…there must be something in the air!! I support and applaud your decisions. The internet is a wonderful place to generate a community with like-minded creatives and in the beginning it can be so exciting making all those connections and then there comes that point where there’s a need for balance between your “real/private/personal life and your life “on-line.” Your life “out there” will grow and change depending on where you’re at in your life.
I too just finished taking a week off from my social media and my daily posting of iphone images. I’ve decided to step out of the 365 project I was in and instead will be concentrating on my own website and creating the best healthiest life for me and mine….
I look forward to your future posts and sharing how things are going for you.
Best,
Mary
Good for you for listening to yourself and setting your priorities Kat. It’s so cleansing to do that every so often but it’s not easy! Thank you for the ever important reminder and best of luck on your new path xx
I love how you share your thoughts and feelings. Change is inevitable and you have to listen to your own internal voice. Balance is key and can be a hard thing to strike but I believe your decisions are taking you there. Ultimately we only have one life so I say do what makes you happy.
Good for you, Kat! I admire how you took the time to examine your activities and schedule, and will realign it to fit your needs now. I think many of us get stuck in a routine, with lots of commitments, and we carry on because we think we should. Allowing time to nurture our creative growth, as well as mental and physical health, is so important .
I’m so glad you’re continuing the photo-heart connection — it’s a wonderful practice.
Been there done that…a couple times. Seems to happen when I overextend myself bit by bit, forgetting the why and the wherefore of it all. You are doing the right thing.
God bless you!
Cindy
It’s feels so good to pause and take stock of one’s life from time to time. I am so happy for you that you are following your intuition and your heart to reorganize certain elements and to let go of others. It feels good to readjust from time to time and to realign ourselves to our deepest needs and desires. Follow your heart, Kat, and you cannot go wrong!
The photo of the truck behind that smeary window is symbolic of your thoughts and feelings as they become more clear and transparent and evident to you.
You must be feeling so beautiful and free now you have put into words what has been arising in you for some time.
Good luck with the changes that are are in progress and I shall still enjoy participating in Photo-Heart Connection, which I enjoy, when I am at home and feel inspired. Thank you for offering this to us all, it is much appreciated!
Sandra
Kat while I will be sorry that your newsletter won’t be popping in my box so often I can see that you need to break through and find new frontiers to explore. Good luck with your new horizons I hope I will be able to follow along on the way…..
I like how you have managed to distil from your pause and manifest your intentions. I have visited your blog from early days and witnessed the growth, I have admired your ability to create a platform for reaching out to others to share your knowledge, many people have benefited from all the technical instructions, exploring the world of photography, this is a real credit to you that you will carry for life. For me the photo- heart connections have always been prime, the technical stuff is secondary, I kind of like intuiting my way forward bumping into possibility and seeing where it takes me!
In terms of ‘print and developing your own aesthetic’ have you thought about hands on print-making? I’m not given to painting but I like the graphic aspects of print, screen-printing is one example, combining imagery and colour via old-fashioned machinery, it is a wonderful process and akin to your present digital developments!
In any-case I look forward to seeing where you head next! x
I so understand. You have had a full plate and it seems to have gotten fuller this past year. I love all that you do and certainly agree with what you are saying. It’s happened to me too and I’m still trying to figure out what works for me. Enjoy the extra time you carve out for yourself, we will all benefit from what you do with that time.
I’m so thankful that you took time to evaluate your life. So thankful that you’re finding ways to grow! Althought I will miss Exploring with a Camera very much, I understand your reasonings. I can’t even begin to tell you how much you’ve influenced my photography and my life!
Good for you! I think reflection and change is always good. ..and I agree with you about the overwhelming number of emails coming into our in-boxes.
I think this is such a great thing. I am increasingly finding it difficult to find time for the ‘create’ side of things which is what I love so I completely understand why you are re-evaluating. And I think it takes real courage to change things up. Looking forward to seeing the changes and where this takes you next.
I am on the same page at you. It must be in the air.