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Lessons from Abroad: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Lessons from Abroad: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

[This post is part three of a five part series. You can see the first two parts on Monday and Tuesday.]

We’ve talked about how to Change up Your Schedule and Find a Regular Practice as keys to finding your passion and purpose. The next lesson from abroad is this: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone.

Certainly, moving to a new place is a big change for anyone. Moving internationally, to a different culture is even bigger, because it goes to the fundamental assumptions of everything in your daily life. How you interact with other people, how you pay the bills, even how (and where) to find the essentials you need for daily living. Add in a different language, the added complication of not even being able to communicate basic questions and ideas, and you are set back even further. I literally felt like a child, and for a while my independence was completely gone and my confidence shattered.

For some people, an international move may be a piece of cake. For me, and probably for many, it was significantly outside of my comfort zone. It seemed a big choice, a big risk in the initial decision. And it was a big stress, with the move and subsequent adjustments. Not only dealing with my own insecurities and stresses, I had my family along in this adventure – I had to worry about them too. We went through all of the phases with any big adjustment – the “what the hell did I do” phase, the honeymoon period of excitement, the frustration period of learning to do things differently, and finally acceptance. I am in a good place now, in our second year of the assignment. I have learned to love much about this beautiful country, and accept the things that I don’t.

When you have the opportunity to really shift out of your comfort zone like I have, you start to see things in a different light. In addition to really looking at the fundamental assumptions I was making in life, I have noticed where I was placing unnecessary restrictions on myself. I can now recognize the rules that I had placed on myself and my life, as well as the rules that our culture places on us. I’ve started to question those “rules” as they come up. I examine each one and ask myself, “Do I need this rule? What does it get me? What does it provide others? Do I want to keep it or throw it away?” And I recognize that for each one I throw away, others in my life might not understand or be happy about it. I have to be willing to deal with the results, but it’s important to first be able to see the rules, or you can’t ever decide to change them.

Getting out of my comfort zone with this move has also shown me that I was expecting perfection of myself, or something close to it, since I was comfortable where I was. When you get to a place you are good at something, it’s hard to go back to being a novice again, in any area of our life. It’s hard to accept the fact that you make mistakes, because you get so used to not making them. You have to learn to laugh at yourself again, enjoy the new-ness of something, delight in those first experiences. Let yourself be the beginner for a while. The only way that you can learn something new is to open yourself up to risks and move beyond the current state. You can’t expect perfection right out of the gate.

In reflecting on this experience, I can see that this move was not unlike other times in my life that I’ve gotten out of my comfort zone. Whether big or little changes, they have had similar effects. Getting out of your comfort zone does this amazing, wonderful thing – it doesn’t just shift the realm you are comfortable operating in, it grows it. That’s why difficult situations are often called “stretching” or “growing.” When you get out of your comfort zone, there is that initial discomfort, but over time, with practice, you gain new skills and confidence. You’ve added to what you can manage in your life, the landscape you can negotiate.

When you can add to your life in this way, there is this important side effect that can directly lead you to your passion and purpose: You can begin to see new possibilities. Thoughts or ideas that would never have seemed plausible before can become real. As I was walking in the park this week (part of my regular practice), I was enjoying the first fog of the season and came up with a wonderful analogy. Often, when you get out of the comfort zone of your life, it can feel like you’re in the fog. You can’t see to far ahead, only the next few steps in front of you. More and more is revealed as you move further. It can feel scary and uncertain. But once in a while in the fog, if you stop and look around, look up, you can see a glimpse of what the day is going to be like – the blue sky and sun. That’s the new possibility that you can only see as you start to look at the world in different ways, because the fog obscures your normal view. You won’t notice this little glimpse of your future, without the fog, or the shift in your comfort zone.

How can you get out of your comfort zone, and gain the benefits of this new perspective? How can this help you connect with your passion and purpose?

  • Actively seek an opportunity to move out of your comfort zone. Maybe it’s a job change, taking on a different assignment. Maybe it’s a new activity. Have you had an urge to take an art class, even though you have no previous experience? How about drama – putting yourself out there in front of others? Maybe it’s learning about an aspect of technology. Maybe it’s a change in relationships – adding, removing, changing your interactions with people. Maybe it’s travelling to a new place. Anything that you might have the thought, “Yeah, that looks interesting but I could never do it for reasons x, y, z.” Why not try? I started painting while in Italy, just because I got the urge. That activity led to me really exploring my creativity and the beauty of the world around me in a whole new way.
  • Recognize that uncomfortable feeling you get when you step out of your comfort zone. Acknowledge it, accept it, but don’t run away. A natural way to react when you feel uncomfortable is to turn around and go right back to where you were. The first step to recognize, acknowledge and accept. Then take a deep breath and move forward. The uncomfortable feeling will still be there, but know you are doing this for a reason – it’s called growth.
  • Be willing to let yourself be a novice. People who are new to things make mistakes. Their work isn’t the best. It’s really hard to go from being on the top of your game to being the newbie when you step out of your comfort zone. Instead of avoiding mistakes, give yourself permission to be bad at whatever you are doing, but keep going. Learn from the mistakes, the “failures.” Laugh at yourself as much as possible, and seek others who will help you keep this light-hearted perspective. You might find that the failures aren’t so bad after all. One of the best things that I have learned in this experience is to laugh at myself. To marvel at just how little I actually know!
  • Keep track of those little rules that pop into your head. The ones that say, “I never…” or “I should…” Write them down, really take a hard look at them. Are they real? What can you do to remove them? What would life look like if you no longer lived by this rule? Make a decision, whether or not you want to keep this rule. Maybe observe when you use it, and if it’s serving to keep you safely rooted in your comfort zone or if it will help you move in the direction you want to go.

I have recently been pondering the quote, “If you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.” I can’t really argue the truth of this statement. How do you get something different, something better, if you do the same things all of the time? You can’t. Life doesn’t work that way. The only way to get something more – whether it’s time or money or relationships or personal growth – is to do something different, take a risk, move through the fear that holds us at the status quo. Move out of your comfort zone.

(Photo is from Parco di Monza, Italy)

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Lessons from Abroad: Change up Your Schedule

I am off to Spain and Portugal this week for vacation so I decided to schedule some posts. I recently wrote a series of articles entitled “Lessons from Abroad” for a friend’s coaching newsletter and blog about lessons I’ve learned from my experience living in Italy which helped me find my passion and purpose. I never posted links to the last two articles here, so I decided to repost all of the articles this week to give them a home on my blog as well as share them with you.  Enjoy!
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Lessons from Abroad: Change up Your Schedule
Imagine… dropping out of your normal life for a couple of years, having the chance to completely immerse yourself in something new, and reevaluating your direction in life. And then, when it’s all over, come back to where you started again.
That’s where I am, what I’m doing – living and working in Italy on a two year assignment. Two years ago, my corporate management job led me to a project that would require placing people on temporary assignment abroad. I was to be the hiring manager for two positions, yet after my first business trip to Italy, I found the growing urge to apply for the job myself. Fast forward a few months of family decisions and applications and interviews, and I had the job. Months of immigration applications and paperwork and waiting and waiting later, and I had moved to Italy.
Now what? The plan: Learn to live in Italy with my family. Work. Travel. Then come home a little wiser about the world and ready to take up my career track again. I was all set. But life has a way of surprising us, and I couldn’t have been more wrong. What I’ve discovered in my time in Italy is my true passion, where my heart and purpose lies, and it’s not the management chain in a corporate job.
How did this happen? I wasn’t really looking for this, at least not at the beginning. But somewhere along the way, the changes I have made in my life while living abroad have led me to find something new. I’ve learned to follow my heart, listen to my intuition, and it’s been amazing what I have learned about myself. The move to Italy has, first and foremost, made me more aware: Aware of my surroundings, and how they affect me; Aware of the limitations I have been putting on myself; Aware of the choices I truly have, if I let myself be open to possibilities.
You might be thinking, that’s great and all, but how can translate to me? I’m not ever going to live abroad. I don’t have any plans to just pick up my family and move for two years. I can’t risk the stability of my job, my life, my family in order to seek my path in this way. But I believe that there are some key things that moving to Italy has done to increase my awareness and my ability to understand myself, and it’s not all about living in another culture. I have boiled it town to five things that anyone can do, no matter where you live or what you do for a living. In practicing these you can open up the possibilities, become more aware, and find your true path that lies somewhere deep within.
Over the coming days, I’ll go through each of the five, explaining why these have worked for me and some ideas of how you can use them too. The first key I’ll share today, starts with finding your creative time: Change up Your Schedule
My job in Italy requires an altered work schedule. I still directly work for an organization on the west coast of the United States, with a nine hour time difference from where I live. This means that I have to work both on site in Italy and on the phone back to the US on a daily basis. On one of my early business trips, before the move, I realized that it’s easy to work two full work days in this situation – head into the office in the morning, wrap up the day up with teleconferences in the afternoon, and then, in the evening get on the computer for more work at the same time everyone back in the US is working. While that was sustainable for a week long business trip, that just wouldn’t work for me and my family over the next two years.
The schedule I practice to limit the “two work day” situation is this: I work afternoons, from around noon to six, in the office. Then I head home, have dinner, hang out with my family, do my personal things, tuck my son into bed and get back online and on the phone for a couple of hours of work with my coworkers in the US. This may sound awful, and it certainly makes for short evenings, but the side effect is the most amazing thing – it has freed up my mornings.
I am a morning person, I always have been. I like to get up early, have my quiet time before getting into the day and interacting with people. The morning is also my creative time. Ideas come more readily, I have creative energy and everything just flows. For the first time in my life, on a regular basis more than the weekends, I now have this creative time every day. To do what I want. Read what I want. Journal. Explore and play creatively. Go for a walk.
When I spend my mornings this way, on my creative endeavors and activities of choice – I find that I am refreshed, balanced and ready for the rest of the day. I am able to disconnect with all of the stress that my corporate job brings. I also have found that I have all sorts of ideas that come to me in the morning, along with the time to explore them. I can search for more information, try out something new, build a plan.
The irony is, I’ve always known mornings were my creative, productive time. For years I’ve gone to into the office early in order to have this time to get my best work done. Then I would leave in the afternoon to get home early and spend time with my family, but I never felt creative in the afternoon or evening. It was more about recuperating from the day and getting to bed early so I could do it all over again. By managing my schedule this way, I contributed at a high level to my organization, but the sacrifice was that I was giving my most creative energy to the company. I didn’t have that much left over for me.
Where you spend your creative energy is important. Having some creative energy to spend is one of the keys of finding yourself. How can you find your true path if you don’t have the energy to explore ideas? If you don’t have the open time to imagine, build up and evaluate the dreams that come to you along the way? I had never thought about those things before this change in my schedule, but it makes so much sense now. It’s important to understand what your creative energy schedule is, and then look at how and where you are spending that energy. A simple change in schedule can reap huge rewards.
Now that I’m not spending my most creative time at work, you may wonder if my job performance has suffered. The answer is, really, no. Work takes a different part of my brain, and when I’m working I’m there and focused and productive. I work the same number of hours; I have the same amount of time free as before – it’s just when. I honestly don’t think that anyone at work has even noticed there is a change. The difference for me personally is huge though – I can now disconnect from work, use other parts of my brain, and am more centered. I think this ultimately makes me a better employee, and it certainly has made me a more pleasant person to be around for my family, friends and coworkers.
Here are my ideas about how you can apply this key concept of “Change up Your Schedule” to your life too:
  • Figure out your most creative, productive time of day. I think we might all instinctively know it, as I did. If you are not sure, keep some notes, check in with yourself. Try out some different times of day as “free.”
  • Then, work toward carving out some or all of that time for yourself. Can you rearrange your work schedule? Can you schedule a meeting with yourself? Get out of the office and go for a walk? Start with just a day or two a week, and work up. You don’t have to explain it to anyone else, just do it, if you can.
  • When you get that time, don’t waste it. Use it for things that build you up in some way – engage you creatively, working toward some dream or goal that you might have. That might be as simple as reading a book that sparks your interest or searching out websites that help you in some way. But use that time for you, not for anyone else. You will be surprised what blooms in the garden of time and creative energy that you create.
For me, the next challenge will be protecting this time when the assignment is over, I move back and have to adjust my work schedule again. I’m already strategizing on how to do this. It will mean changing things up from what I did before, and I will have to work through and reset expectations of those who have worked with me for years. But now that I know this important key, this secret to harnessing my creative energy, I’m not about to give it up.
(Photo is from Bologna, Italy)

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Time Travel

Someone once told me that human beings are the only animals that time travel. We move forward and backward in time unceasingly in our heads. Dwelling on the past or dreaming of the future, we barely glimpse the present moment.

This time of year is big for time travel. Reviewing our accomplishments of 2010, we are astonished that another year has passed. We look to 2011 as if it is something shiny and new, a package waiting to be unwrapped. Really, 2011 will be another collection of moments, strung together in time, just like 2010 has been. There is nothing special about these days at the end of one year and the beginning of the next, they are only numbers on paper. A way to mark time.

Where have you been time traveling these last few days? What have you seen in your past and your future? I hope for today you spend some time celebrating the present moment. Because that’s all we really have, when you get down to it. Our ability to time travel is just an illusion.

Today’s 9 Muses Musing prompt is CELEBRATE. Tomorrow’s prompt wraps up 9 Muses Musing with RESOLUTION. See you then!

Photographic PS – The “time travel” image above was created by setting my camera to a 1 second exposure, and then zooming from max to min focal length during the exposure. You can see it was handheld because of the wiggly lines, if I had been using a tripod they would be straight. I got this idea from my friend Barbara’s post on lights, but when experimenting I found I really liked the effect with people. Below is a normal shot of the same place, the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II in Milan. Which do you like better?

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Morning Sparkles

I’m having such a busy week, I almost forgot to post today! I captured this beautiful morning frost sparkling in the sun on Monday, in Parco di Monza. This was captured with my little point-and-shoot, as are many of my shots in the park. Just a little reminder that you don’t need a fancy camera to capture the sparkles in life.

Today’s 9 Muses Musing prompt is SPARKLING. Tomorrow’s prompt is CELEBRATE. See you then!

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The Spiral of Creativity

This photo of Parco di Monza in summer has been coming up in my mind lately, which means I need to share it. I loved the cloud formations on that day, the spirals I saw. I didn’t see the clouds as spiraling inward, but moving outward. I saw in the clouds a spiral of creativity, where ideas are born at the center and then gain momentum as they spin toward the outside. The ideas eventually break free and are sent off into the world at high speed, flung with the creative energy they attained through the spiral. All that, read in the clouds on a summer day.

I can see why this image has popped into my head, because the whole idea of the spiral of creativity fits perfectly with some reflection I’ve been doing. As I work hard on finishing my Find Your Eye class, I’ve realized that I have moved to a dramatically different place in the creativity spiral. The place where the ideas are about to completely break free, and move off into the world.

I decided today I would share these fresh thoughts on the creativity spiral. These are the different places or phases I’ve experienced, so far. I’m curious to know, is this how you have experienced it too? Where are you in the spiral?

The first phase of the spiral is Absorbing. Opening yourself up to all of the creative ideas that exist in our world, and absorbing them into our creative center through reading, observing, learning. This is an active step, because you have to seek the ideas out and expend energy into taking them in to yourself. This may also be the absolute center of the spiral, like the eye of a hurricane, the place where there is calm. You need peace and quiet to absorb.

Processing is the second phase. I think the phrase I like to use, “I have all of these ideas swirling around in my head,” fits perfectly here. This is where the ideas you absorbed begin to be transformed. You think about them, write about them. You are seeking where they fit in with your life, your experience, your philosophy. You are in the spiral proper now, beginning to really move.

After Processing comes Practicing. You begin playing around with your creative ideas. You give your creative self a playground, a safe place to explore and practice. You delight in the discoveries you make. It is through this practice and play that new connections are made in the ideas you’ve been absorbing and processing. Brand new ideas are born.

At some point, Practicing transitions into Acting. Some of the ideas that are born during play will become ready for action. Things are really moving now in the spiral. Dreaming of how to bring the idea to fruition becomes doing. You begin to take the next steps, to make the ideas real and get them ready to release into the world.

Finishing comes next, very close to the outside of the spiral. You are moving quickly, putting the work into completing the remaining actions to send the idea into the world. This, in some ways, is the hard part, because it’s not all swirly fun and play. It’s the nuts and bolts of getting things done. There are deadlines and external requirements at times. The excitement is still there, but it is different, tempered with effort. In this phase, your commitment is tested. Will you really launch the idea into the world? Or will you let it sink back into the spiral?

I find myself in the Finishing phase of the spiral right now, with my Find Your Eye class. It is interesting to discover, even with the effort it is taking, that my commitment is stronger than ever. Each time I work on the class, no matter how much I still have yet to do or how much I see that I need to improve, I find myself saying, “This is good stuff. I need to get this out to people.” This one idea, of the many that are born in my spiral of creativity, will be launched into the world.

What comes next in the spiral of creativity? I don’t know yet. I can only see the parts of the spiral I have been through so far. I don’t know what happens when the creative idea is launched into the world, but soon I will. Have you launched your creative idea? What has come next for you? I would love for you to share your experiences with me, to let me know what phase comes next in the creative spiral.

While I don’t yet personally know what comes next, there is one thing I do know:  In order to work, the spiral must always be kept in motion. In order to keep the momentum, even for one idea to launch, I have to be Absorbing and Processing and Practicing too. Without that continual creative energy fueling the movement, the spiral will die. Like clouds on a sunny day, it would will eventually blow away, disappear into the sky. So I keep reading and journaling and writing here, sharing my little insights with you all, so that my spiral of creativity continues.

Today’s 9 Muses Musing prompt is SHARING. This is the post I needed to write today, regardless of the prompt, and I’m surprised that it even is remotely related.  Tomorrow’s prompt is STORIES. 

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Shiny Light

Patrick came home with this candle last week as a gift from the second graders he reads with at school. Brandon was dying to light it but I made him wait until I could take some pictures. He had to wait several days, because at the time I was sick and didn’t have the energy to do much more than sleep. When I was ready, he was happy to be my photographer’s assistant.

So here it is, a bright and shiny candle today, brought to you by me and my trusty assistant. Can you make out our apartment, in reflection?

Today’s 9 Muses Musing prompt is SHINY. Tomorrow’s is SHARING. I hope all of your Christmas wishes came true yesterday!