Kat Eye Studio

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Eighteen Months

Today wraps up 2012. It’s a time to look back at the year. Lots of best and worst lists have been generated. Year-in-review articles abound. But lately I’ve been thinking bigger than the last year, looking back at the last eighteen months. Because tomorrow it will be exactly eighteen months since I moved home from Italy.

This has been on my mind lately because the last couple of months have brought a dramatic shift for me. I’ve settled in. At home and work and in my photography, the shift has been evident. 2011 was the year of transition, half in Italy and half in the US. I thought by the end of 2011 I was “here” but I wasn’t. Looking back, I can see that for a long time, I’ve had one foot on each continent. I’ve quietly pined away for the scooters and the subways. The international travel at a moment’s notice. And really, who wouldn’t? It was a fabulous experience. A dream come true.

But slowly, surely, as 2012 progressed I’ve woken up from the dream and found myself here. And, maybe surprising myself a little, I’ve discovered “here” is a fantastic place to be. I’ve shed my old expectations and stopped looking for Europe through my camera’s lens. I’ve embraced the place I am in and found what brings me joy. I can see this last year was about releasing the past. I’m all here now.

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As part of this shift, I felt that I needed to find out who I am as a photographer since moving back to the US, so that I can move forward. When I was preparing and printing photographs for the Fall Festival in September, I actually got tired of looking at my photographs from Italy. I never thought that would happen! So for the last few months, I’ve had in mind this project, to go through all of the photographs I’ve taken since moving back to the US, and find the best ones. I felt the urge to get myself organized and build a more recent collection to work with.

A few days ago, I started with 19785 photos, whittled down to 2752, then to 290, to 160 and finally to the 86 highlighted in the video. (Don’t worry, the video is short – less than three minutes.) They are an eclectic bunch… from small towns and big cities to the scenery of mountains and ocean. But they all have one thing in common, representing steps on my journey to find myself in this place and time. They’ve been there for a while, slowly building over eighteen months, just waiting to welcome me home.

And after you’ve watched the video (be sure to watch in HD – it looks awesome!) then listen to this song, This is Home by Switchfoot, which inspired me to make the video. It expresses my feelings perfectly. I wish I could have used it with the video but didn’t take the time to secure permission, so I’ll share it this way.

I’m excited and ready for the new year! I’m finally home.

Join me tomorrow for the Photo-Heart Connection monthly link up, as we review photos from December and maybe — if you’re feeling adventurous — the whole year, to find the strongest connection with heart and soul. I have no doubt that starting this practice has been an important part of my journey “home” this year. Be sure to read the guest posts from the last week, sharing the impact the Photo-Heart Connection has had on participants in 2012. And then come back and join us as we continue our practice in 2013.

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Night into Day

I’m taking a little break from the Lights of Night to share some of my favorite digital paintings from the last week for Paint Party Friday. I continued my exploration with the new process, moving from monochromatic paintings to multiple colors. I love the feeling in this first one, which I call Winter Fire. It does have kind of a fire-and-ice feel to it, doesn’t it? I like how the trees are just barely visible, but you see enough of them to make them out. What do you see in this painting? What is your interpretation of the scene?

Another favorite this week is a study of lines. Nature’s lines. The lines you find in nature often seem chaotic, but there is a pattern to them. I love seeing the pattern in things, whether it’s in nature or in an engineering problem. Just call me goofy!

Finally, in the spirit of the Lights of Night theme that I have going on this week, I thought I would share a digital creation that is not a “painting” but has the feel of night. This one was taken during the middle of the day, but I love that I can give an impression of night through my processing. I call this work “Night into Day.” Hmmm… maybe I should try making a painting out of this one, and see what happens!

If you want to see more of what I’ve been creating you can follow me on Instagram or Flickr. I’ve been posting new work there daily.

Happy Holidays to the Paint Party Friday crowd!

PS – Don’t miss the giveaway of a spot in my upcoming Find Your Eye: Journey of Fascination series over on the Moms Who Click blog. You can still enter!

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Finding the Time

It’s been one of those weeks. It’s Wednesday and I’m already tired. Lots of meetings in the evenings, lots of meetings in the mornings. Quite unusual for me. I like to keep my time free, so I’m not rushing around from place to place.

I’m discovering an interesting thing of late though: Even with my busy schedule, I find myself creating every day. More consistently than ever before. Almost every morning these days, you will find me stopping to take a photo or two. I’ve had to start leaving earlier to work, because who knows what I will find between my front door and the door of my workplace? A rainbow! A reflection in a puddle! A bare tree! Everything I see has so much possibility.

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Almost every evening, you will find me sitting down and playing with the new photos I’ve taken, even if only for a few minutes. I’m learning this new medium, exploring the possibilities. I have lots of experiments that no one will ever see. They are hideous. But that’s ok, because I’m also creating quite a few nice images that I love, too.

What’s changed for me? I’ve never been one for 365s or other time-based art projects, since I get too obsessive about meeting the goal and lose sight of the purpose. I know this about myself. Most of my creativity with photography has been in burst mode. All at once, capture a bunch of images, like when I travel. All at once, edit and play when I’m ready. It’s worked and I’ve loved that method of creating.

Somehow, with mobile photography, it’s becoming a daily practice, like my journaling and writing have been for a long time. Nothing I track obsessively to meet a goal, just something I do because I love to do it. Because I’m a happier, more grounded person when I do it.

With mobile photography, it’s always there, always available. It doesn’t take the forethought of bringing the “big” camera or hauling it out of the bag. It doesn’t take the time sitting at the computer to upload, edit, and share. I can do this all from a coffee shop or my comfy chair (even this blog post – from my iPad!). It feels like a daily practice should feel. Accessible. Natural.

I’m excited for this shift. Not only a new medium, but a new approach. A reminder that I can always change my methods as new possibilities come along. It doesn’t have to be painful or dramatic; it can be a natural, comfortable evolution.

It can be as simple as following my joy, and finding the time to create even when my calendar tells me I have none. It’s surprising what I can find when I want to.

Off to get ready for my morning meetings now… Have a great day!

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A Sense of Belonging

[F]itting in is one of the greatest barriers to belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.
— Brené Brown in Daring Greatly

Are you trying to fit in anywhere? Have you noticed yourself shifting or adjusting, thinking, If I just do this, I’ll fit right in. I do it all the time. It seems to be my go-to thought process in any new situation. It’s like survival instinct, learned in junior high: Assess the situation and see what needs to happen to fit in.

In our world of always connecting and social media, it’s easy to want to fit in. I mean, it’s all right there in hard, cold numbers: Followers, Likes, Comments. It’s easy to get sucked into the vortex, using those numbers to feel accepted and valued. But if we drive ourselves for likes, comments, followers… are we trying to fit in or are we finding we belong? My thinking: Anytime we do something with the intent to get someone else’s approval, we are trying to fit in. When we do something for our own reasons, and then get some positive feedback and approval, we belong.

With joining Instagram I’ve gone through this full cycle all over again. A new platform, starting from zero. Hey, I’m a numbers girl. They attract me, and it’s easy to watch the numbers. The follower count. The number of likes. It’s easy to start to assess what gets the most likes and what doesn’t. To let that sway my creation.

But when I take a step back and ask: Do I create for others or do I create for me? The answer is always, unequivocally, for me. And when I do create for myself, and when I connect with people who like my work, it’s with a sense of belonging and not fitting in. Because I’ve put my real self out there, when I do find connection and acceptance, it’s much more meaningful. No more trying to fit in. Junior high is long over.

This lesson has come back to me so many times in the online world… From Facebook friends, to blog comments and hits, to followers on Twitter and Instagram. None of them matter. My worth is not wrapped up in a number. I have learned, over and over, that I would rather have 2 engaged and real connections than 20,000 likes. Maybe it’s not the smartest business or marketing thing to do, but it’s the only way I know to live with myself. It’s the only sustainable choice for me. And, at times, it’s scary as hell.

Brené Brown states it so very perfectly, this difference between fitting in and belonging. It makes me take a hard look and ask myself, “What am I trying to do?”

My answer is to sit up straighter, take a deep breath, and commit to being myself. Thanks for being here with me as I continually search and find the center of who I am through my creativity. I hope you feel that you belong here too.

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Beyond “Hobby”

What do you call an interest that goes beyond “hobby?” When it becomes something that seems essential to your expression? When it’s a part of who you are? I’m trying to find the right word to use for my love of photography. The word I want is definitely not “hobby.” To me, that implies a side interest, something you do to fill your time. OK, I do that, but it’s become more to me than that.

Yesterday I met up with friend who was interested in learning more about my prints and how I was doing them. As we sat and chatted about what we were both up to, she used the word “hobby” for what I was doing and then kind of looked at me askance, as if she knew that didn’t fit either. I chuckled and tried to come up with a word for it, and I couldn’t.

I don’t have a word for what it is I’m doing with photography, and why. It’s as if it’s become an essential form of expression. I could stop teaching, if I had to. I could stop blogging, if you made me. But I don’t think I can stop photographing. Even if I had no one to share them with, I would still create photographs. It’s how I see and experience the world. It’s how I learn about myself. It feeds me energy and brings me joy. No matter what I try to do differently, even this whole mobile photography/digital painting thing I’ve got going on, it comes back to the essential element of the photograph.

Maybe I’m really just learning what it means to be an artist. I remember last year, listening to an artist talk about his journey and how, in his younger days, he was desperate to paint. Even when he had no money for materials, he found ways to paint. He had to, he said. He couldn’t stop it. I remember thinking, “Wow, that’s intense. I don’t feel that way.” But now I wonder if I’m starting to. If I already do.

Maybe being an artist, deep down in our soul, means not just that we do create, but that we need to create. That we can’t help it, can’t stop ourselves. There is something about photography that’s put it’s hooks into my heart and soul, and I can’t get away from it. Regardless of what else I explore, it always comes back to this for me.

So can you help me out? What’s the word I’m looking for, for this thing I’m experiencing? Because it’s way beyond “hobby” and I would like to put a word to it, if one exists.

There are several things going on I don’t want you to miss:

  • Today is the last day to enter for the Spark & Inspire eBook giveaway. You can enter by leaving a comment on this blog post.
  • Today is also the last day to link in to Exploring with a Camera: Chiaroscuro. Have you seen the gorgeous work that has been shared this month? Wow! Be sure to visit the links to see what your fellow photographers are creating with dramatic light.
  • The November Photo-Heart Connection link up opens tomorrow! What does your heart have to say this month? It’s time to find out. See you tomorrow!

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The Happiest Monday

And why is this the happiest Monday, you ask? Because I feel better! Woohoo! It’s amazing how happy you are for the little things, like getting up early on a Monday morning, when you’ve been feeling a bit under the weather. The four day weekend was just what I needed to recuperate.

You know how I could tell when I was on the mend? Creativity started flowing again. I sat down with my iPad this weekend and some photos I took with my brand new iPhone 5 last week and created a couple of new pieces of digital art. Well, more than a couple, but I’ll share my favorite two with you here.

Tree, Squared

I am still having so much fun with this whole mobile photography/digital art stuff! My excitement for getting the new iPhone last week was a bit damped by all of the coughing and sniffling going on at the time, but after playing with the images this weekend I am so happy to have this higher resolution tool for image capture. And of course, it’s just plain fun to enter the world of the smartphone, although I really wanted it mainly for the camera.

Reaching

I used my other favorite new tool, my printer, to print and hang a few of my recent creations in my hallway from the entry to the kitchen. You can see them there, in the center. (I found the square shadowbox frames at IKEA, if you were wondering.)

From capture to creation to wall, all in a couple of days! I love it. See, it’s a happy Monday!

PS – Don’t miss the giveaway of the Spark & Inspire eBook I have going on this week.