Me and my glittery blue toes are back from a lovely weekend in Arizona to celebrate my sister’s 40th birthday. It felt good to be so wonderfully warm, hot even. There was a lot of time spent by the pool. Time spent connecting with people I love. Time spent getting to know wonderful new people. Time laughing, laughing and laughing.
I took very few pictures, so today’s post has no image. Because I really cemented something in my mind this weekend.
There are times that my camera connects me to the moment and helps me to be fully present. And there are times that my camera disconnects and separates me from the moment.
I used to be the “event photographer” in social situations. I used to scrapbook everything and always wanted pictures of the events to capture the memories. Everyone else left the photography to me, knowing I would get great images of the event. What I’ve realized over time is that being the event photographer kept me from being truly engaged. A naturally shy and quiet person, I can often be uncomfortable in social situations. My camera gave me something to hide behind. I didn’t fully participate.
Over time my photography has evolved. I no longer scrapbook, and have discovered that without that motivation I’m not inspired to take event photographs. I’ve also discovered that when I put down the camera and really engage with the people I’m with, I have a much better time. I create better and deeper connections.
I miss some great photo opportunities, and I might not have any wonderful images of my weekend to share here. But I have deeper connections with the people I am with. I find that matters to me more.
There were a couple of times this weekend where I began to think I must not be a “real” photographer because I’m not passionate about taking photographs in every situation. There are times I just want to sit back and be. I had to stop myself from that train of thought. Because you know what? I’m me. I get to decide when I engage the world through the lens and when I don’t. If I start to follow some random rules I’ve picked up about what “real” photographers do, I lose what makes my vision mine alone. What makes me a “real” photographer is being a “real” person who picks up the camera and photographs with my heart.
So the vision of my glittery blue toenails against the blue pool water resides in my head alone. I can’t share it with you today. And the connections I made this weekend reside deep within me, because I engaged with all my heart instead of hiding behind the camera.
I made a similar decision when I realized that sometimes the camera gets in the way of enjoying the experience. There is a time to click and a time to leave the camera at home.
It’s so great to read about your similar decision Gina. Our photography is part of a greater life. It’s more of the “balance” conversation that I’ve had going on within myself for a while!
Excellent thoughts and so very true.
I, for one, am glad that you are you. I am glad that you set aside your camera for the weekend and did something wonderful..connect deeply with those you love.
Your statement, “What makes me a “real” photographer is being a “real” person who picks up the camera and photographs with my heart.” is right on. Don’t ever forget it!
Thanks Cheryl!
I know exactly how you feel! In fact, I’ve just told my family a few times lately that I’m not bringing my camera. Sometimes I just want to enjoy being there and being in the moment instead of recording the moment!
That’s awesome Cathy! I bet your family loves having you “all there” even more than they would love the photos later.
What a beautiful post. Isn’t it liberating to decide what is right for you? I really enjoyed reading this and I look forward to the moment you post your glittery blue toenails next to the pool…
Yes, very liberating!!
Your words really resonate with me, Kat.
This evening I was considering grabbing the camera and taking some landscape shots, trying to decide where to go. Then it occurred to me that I had yoga, that I had completely forgotten. There was a moment when I hesitated about going to yoga…maybe take the camera along and get photos after class.
But a few seconds later I knew I needed to just go, leave that camera at home, and spend time with my friends at class. It was the best decision and I ended up really “connecting” with a gal at class and sharing a great discussion. What can be more important than that?
I think your words this evening helped reinforce what my heart was telling me earlier.
I am so glad to hear your similar experience! I think our intuition knows what we need to do. It sounds like we both needed to connect with others!
“Hiding behind the camera” is a very apt description for me, too, sometimes. Often, in social situations. I have found that being the event photographer “saves” me from having to participate in activities that I don’t feel comfortable about. It allows me to be the observer, which I like. But it can also get in the way of fully engaging in the moment. I’m glad you decided to leave the camera in favor of connecting with your loved ones. And now each of us can use our imaginations to picture your glittery blue toenails splashing in the cool blue pool water!
Brilliant! There will be so many of us that can relate to this post!
Kat – as usual, you have expressed so well what I feel about being “behind the camera”. I was never very good about documenting family moments and it was too easy to hide behind the camera.
Now I’ve simply decided that photography holds a different purpose in my life – it’s a creative expression for ME. And family moments are precious for being fully engaged in them.
I was wandering through Glasgow a few nights ago and realized, that as beautiful as the city was I hadn’t been tempted to take out my camera. I was just enjoying being in the moment. I found myself asking if I was a real photographer, then I got home and read your post and realized I may not be the only one who feels the need to leave the camera alone once in a while and just enjoy being in the moment.
Yes! You are not alone. I’m glad you chose to live in the moment!