Today marks nineteen years of marriage for my husband and I. Nineteen years! When I write it out it amazes me. I’ve spent almost half my life with this man. We’ve been through so much together… birth, death, pregnancy, surgeries, depression, degrees, religions, new jobs and businesses, cars, apartments, houses, moves across country and world, travel, hobbies, parenting… I could go on and on. Nineteen years worth of on and on. We’ve been companion, witness, friend and counselor to each other.
It hasn’t always been easy. I sometimes wonder how we’ve made it this far when I look back at the big struggles we’ve had along the way. Marriage is not an easy Saturday afternoon walk in the park. It’s not what the romance novels and fairy tells would lead you to believe. They end at the “happily ever after” part, but “happily ever after” is really where the work begins. Marriage takes compromise and commitment and choice. It takes patience and forgiveness and humility. Recently I heard marriage described as a “crucible for personal growth” and recognized this for truth. It is. You tie your life to a completely separate person and then you progress through the years as you both change and grow. How can you expect to NOT struggle once in a while? Could you ever expect to see completely see eye-to-eye with someone else over a period of nineteen years? I don’t think so.
This weekend I saw a wonderful performance troupe and captured the dancers on the rings and ropes. This man and woman shared an intricate and beautiful performance of a love story. They made it look graceful, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy. It was the practice and commitment they both shared that made the act seem effortless. How many hours and hours did they spend in rehearsal, for this one performance?
Marriage is like that. It’s a dance we must practice and practice with our partner. We make mistakes. We fall. We fight. We pick up where we left off and try again. And sometimes we discover we can glide effortlessly through a performance. We are in synch and beautiful to watch. There it is, the “happily ever after” part. Where things go smoothly and life is filled with joy. When we reach that, guess what? We’re not done. It’s time to learn the next dance, because we are always changing and growing.
Nineteen years worth of changing and growing. We were so young when we got married, it feels like we’ve grown up together. We’ve grown up separately, too. We are both such different people than we were on this day nineteen years ago. Life has changed us. Life together has changed us. We are who we are today, in part because of each other.
I hope we’ll be graced with nineteen more years of the real-life version of “happily ever after.” We’re just starting to get it figured out, for this dance anyway.
Happy Anniversary, Patrick.
Congratulations on your wedding anniversary Kat, and what a wonderful post and picture of the dancers on the rings. Your wedding picture is beautiful too, I hope you have a super celebration. I can certainly tick off many (but not all) of your mentioned landmarks. I love how you have compared marriage to dance and can identify with that. I have danced to many different tunes with Mr D over the years and your post made me stop and think… if marriage is a dance which one are he and I stepping to now? My answer: a glorious Viennese Waltz. Dancers say this is the most difficult of dances to perform well and needs a couple’s complete dedication and understanding of one another. This year Mr D and I will notch up 41 years (gulp) so I think we qualify for the Waltz very well don’t you… although you’ll understand, of course, I was a child bride!
LOL Elissa! I like that you’ve chosen the dance you are dancing. I don’t think we are there yet – maybe when we get to 41 like you!
Congratulations, Kat! Here’s to that other 19….I’m sure you’ll get them. (Phil and I just celebrated #38!) Yes, yes, yes,….it really is a dance, with steps forward, backward, and sometimes just moving in place. Sometimes, it’s awfully awkward, and sometimes it’s gorgeous! Once again, congrats!
Congrats, Kat! I hope you two have a wonderful day and many more super years together.
Kat – congrats to you and your husband. A beautiful tribute to the importance of marriage and the commitment it takes to make it work.
A lovely wedding picture of you and your husband, Kat. Congratulations for the 19-year mark! It’s lovely when two people can grow and evolve together.
Congratulations!
Love your shot of the dancers.
Happy Anniversary, Kat and hubby! What a beautiful tribute to marriage you’ve written here. Yes, marriage is like a dance and sometimes we can’t keep in step with the other, but we work it out, even if we might step on each other’s toes a bit. After forty plus years, I really feel it gets easier as time goes by.. Wishing you many, many more happy years together!
Happy anniversary! I wish for you many more years together! I love your description of marriage! My husband and I celebrated our 40th on the 21st of this month! We’ve danced together a very long time and as you’ve mentioned it is not always easy, but it’s been worth it!
Happy Anniversary, what a beautiful post. I couldn’t agree with you more about the journey that marriage takes us on. May the dancing never end.
Happy Anniversary!! Love the dancers!
Congratulations, Kat! Like some others here, we just celebrated our anniversary on Saturday, #39. I find that number as amazing as my age! How did so many years fly by? Your analogy is perfect. I recently did a scrapbook page with some lyrics from Wicked (“For Good”) that sums up my marriage (and also my relationship with my two adult children): “I know I’m who I am today, because I knew you. . . I have been changed for the better, because I knew you.” LIke you, there have been bumps in the road, but I can’t imagine my life without Tracy.