Yesterday I found out that something I applied for, related to my photographic art, I didn’t get. It’s one of those things… Lots and lots of people applied. Only a few were going to be selected. The odds were low. The selection process is always subjective with the jurors. The other work submitted was amazing. There are so many reasons I wasn’t selected. I can list them all.
Yet… I’m still disappointed.
It always happens when I hear I wasn’t chosen for something I applied for. Even though I know the odds are really low in anything art-related, I always apply with hope. There is always a piece of me that believes I have a chance at whatever it is. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t spend the time, energy and (sometimes) money to apply.
And so, there is the disappointment. It’s usually short, but it’s there. I feel the anticipation and excitement of receiving that letter or email or phone call… Hoping for the answer I’ve dreamed of… Only to get a sinking feeling in my gut as I find out the real results. It’s not me. I wasn’t chosen. As my dream world reconciles with the real world, the disappointment sets in. For a brief time, my inner child comes out: Why not me? What’s so great about this other work? What’s the point of it all? I hate to admit it, but that is almost always the first reaction.
And then… I take a step back and look at it more objectively. I turn on my mother voice, to talk to that petulant child… Now, you knew the odds going in. These things are subjective. And wow, isn’t the art that was chosen amazing? See what you can learn.
So I mentally pick myself up, brush myself off, and start all over again.
Such is the life of the artist. If we are going to put our work out there, if we are going to submit, there will be disappointment. The funny thing is, we usually only share the successes. So on the outside it looks like it’s smooth sailing. That someone is blessed, getting everything they want. I tell you, from the very real inside, that’s just not true.
For every success I share here, there are five times… no, make that ten times… the number of disappointments. For every step forward I make, the are many, many more steps back. It’s only because I have some inner drive, some passion for what I do that I continue on through all of the disappointments. I have belief in myself that I can succeed. And so the disappointment is all the more real.
Being an artist is not for the faint of heart. We put our selves, our soul, into the work we create and then we put it out there in the world. We open ourselves, knowingly, to the possibility of hurt. By the very nature of a selection process, we open ourselves to the likelihood of hurt. And yet we do it. Over and over again.
It takes both courage and resilience to be an artist. I’m calling on both today, to deal with my disappointment.
Oh, you said this so well . . Thank you for sharing, you have lifted me, too.
So glad to hear this! We are not alone on our artistic journey.
Wonderful perspective. Thanks for sharing so eloquently.
Love, love, love the cover image as well!
Thank you Della!
I think that real progress in your creative journey is in direct proportion to your capacity to handle disappointment.
That’s an interesting thought, Jack. It makes me think something similar — that maybe the stronger we are in our own artistic vision, the more disappointment we can handle and carry on.
I think that that is absolutely true. This means that maybe the best thing that we can do to handle disappointment is to strengthen our artistic vision. It seems that if we focus on our artistic vision and develop the courage to be faithful to our vision, we will do far better whatever obstacles we face.
Thanks for sharing this Kat. It is so helpful to know that really talented people don’t succeed at everything they do. It gives me hope to continue on. Ultimately it is about being the best that we can be not what others want us to be.
Your comment reminds me of a saying I’ve heard that goes something like this.. When we are compare ourselves to others, we are comparing our backstage with their on stage. We see all of our messes and disappointments and only see the others successes. We all have a messy backstage, it just doesn’t get shared.
We all experience setbacks and disappointments — thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom in handling it. Stepping back, as you said, gives us a new perspective and we can see it’s just a bump in the road. I really like your two images — I can see an asian influence.
Thanks Gina. The “bump in the road” is a good analogy. It feels so much bigger than a bump in the moment!
Bravo Kat for sharing!
Thanks! It’s not always easy to share, but it turned my disappointment into a means of connection.
Thank you for posting this, Kat. I recently had an artistic disappointment too. Your words lifted my spirits.
I’m so glad, Annie. It helps to know we all experience similar things.
Rejection is part of an artist’s life….but it’s still difficult. However, there’s always the next challenge to look forward to.
Yep! We always have another chance to succeed.
You said it so well, Kat. It is a difficult journey full with setbacks and disappointments. Which often goes together with the feeling of not being good enough.
I like your perspective, the way you pick yourself up again. Thank you for shring this here in this space – most people don’t do this. It is very encouraging and inspiring to see that we are not alone in this. Bravo!
Oh yes, the demons of “not good enough.” We definitely have to fend them off when disappointment comes along! Thanks for the reminder that by sharing, we become stronger.
All your feelings are only natural, think on the positive side and think of all the things you have achieved and succeeded at. Those are the things to focus on. Great post. x
Agreed! We have to focus on the positive as we move forward.
Words I will take with me for sure as I drop of my photography to juried next month. A nerve racking process for sure, but I think there is always something to be gained from a little disappointment now and then . . .
Thanks so much for sharing!
Oh yes, being juried is nerve-wracking but a good experience, when you get the feedback. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing your disappointment. It is so very true that as we look at what others accomplish, we almost never see their failures, only their successes – and therefore, it seems as if we are the only ones who experience these losses and difficulties. It helps so much to know that we aren’t alone.
And I have to say that I absolutely ADORE this image (and the others like it on Flickr). That geometric background – in painterly shades – with the stark organic branches silhouetted on top. Wondrous work – a very creative combination of abstract and natural.
Thank you so much, Brenda. I’m enjoying the combination of the geometric with the natural in these. There is something in the contrast of the grid background with the organic lines all brought together with a water-y, less controlled effect, that really appeals to me. I need some more tree images to play with!
Good morning…
I’m not quite ready to call myself an artist, but I do understand that feeling of putting what one creates “out there” to be seen and hoping to be noticed for the time and vision that’s been put into creating. I’m trying to find my way…my art…but even though there’s insecurity and vulnerability at stake…I keep putting it “out there.” It is crazy!
Thank you so much for this article and your art. I appreciate it all so much!