I’ve started thinking about identity. What is it? How does it work? Is my identity me?
I’ve come to a conclusion as I’ve pondered the idea of “identity”… My identity is not me. My identity is something external to me. It’s everything I’ve picked up to define myself along the way. The views through others eyes and the shortcuts I use to describe myself. Where I spend my time and energy. What I create. All that is wrapped up in my identity. But it is not me.
I’ve come up with an analogy, explaining identity as a sweater, worn over the core of who we are. It is knit throughout our life by influential people in our lives and, eventually, by our selves. The sweater is started by our parents, who give it their best. As we get older teachers take on the task, and our friends join in too. There are threads of culture woven through, along with our interests, professions and important relationships. Our strengths and our weaknesses get in there, maybe out of proportion in places.
At some point in our lives, we might realize that we are wearing a sweater that no longer fits. For whatever reason, the identity that has grown up with us has become too big or too small, too long or too short. So we have to unravel, and reknit it for ourselves. We realize that we can adjust and shape it to better fit. Maybe we can even remove it altogether, but I think that must be much harder to do.
There are times in our unraveling, when it goes beautifully. Everything just comes apart easily and you can start to patch things together in a new way. I think this happened for me in Italy, as I rediscovered art and my creative side. After a couple of years of work I emerged with a new patch of my identity sweater, beautiful and colorful. These last couple of years I’ve worked to carefully knit the new and old patches together, finding a fit that works.
But there are other times in our reshaping, when you have multiple strands going at the same time – some unraveling, some knitting back up – and you get a knot. A snarly knot that doesn’t want to budge. All you can do is take some time to pick at it, work it loose. Figure out which strand goes where and how to integrate it.
I think that’s where I am right now, I’m working at a knot. Earlier this year I had multiple strands flying and all was going well. Then almost without me noticing, things started to get snarled up. The knot is a little too tight, and the only thing I can do is be careful and patient, wiggling it loose. Everything is at a standstill, until this knot is undone.
Somewhere on the other side of this knot is something new, I can feel it. A new patch to overlay and integrate with the rest of my identity sweater. But I have to work at this knot first. I’ll let you know when I’m done…
I like your thought process and I very much like the sweater analogy — it sums up identity in a way that I think most of us can appreciate.
I’m glad it worked for you, Sherry!
Most excellent. An excellent analogy for us all still on the hunt to unravel!
It’s so good to know I’m not alone in this unraveling process…
Really like this analogy, Kat. I think I have quite a number of knots in mine at present, and some of them have Gordian proportions! Hope you get your own knot unraveled soon,
Thanks Gilly. It’s lovely to hear from you! I think we have to just keep at the knots… it’s the only way they will go away.
You always write about this stuff so beautifully. I know exactly what you mean (and have been working through a few knots myself!). I always find the knots so annoying, but unravelling them is always worth it in the the end. 🙂
Thanks Becs. I always find it easier to work through something when I can find a visual analogy. I agree the knots are annoying, but I find if I can visualize them, they just become a problem to work and not a big issue.
Kat, this is so well-written and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this! I love the sweater analogy. I may “borrow” it in my journal writing. =)
Yes, borrow away! I’m glad it worked for you too.
Unraveling those knots and re-knitting your identity sweater can be hard, especially if those around you really LIKE that sweater the way it is and don’t want you to change it. But it has to feel right from the inside out.
The image above really captures the heat of summer. And I just clicked through your Latest on Flickr link below – I love Looking Up and Cathedral!
You have a good point. Sometimes you like a certain patch of sweater, but in the overall scheme it has to come undone to recreate something else! Thank you so much for your comment. It really applies to the knot I’m working at and gives me food for thought. I’m glad you are enjoy my bright, summery work these days!
Love your analogy! Beautifully written. However, we are never finished!
**blows kisses**
Deborah
So true! We will always be unraveling and reknitting…
How wonderful it was reading this. What a great analogy Kat. I had never thought about identity like this before, but gee, it so makes sense this way.
Awesome metaphor Kat. I hope that knot will loosen up soon. In fact I know it will, patch or no patch. Funny I see you as having no knots in any sweater at all-sometimes your sweater looks perfect from here. Glad to hear it’s not.
I have taken off my sweater and I’m waiting for a new one. I guess I’m not too skilled in knitting at present. Working on knit one pearl two. The sweater will come later.
I love this metaphor Kat. And for the record, from here your sweater looks perfect. I’d never think you had knots and unraveling, tho of course everyone does.
I have taken off my sweater-it was a tough pull. I’m looking for a new sweater. Apparently I’m not skilled at knitting. But I shall continue practicing knit one, pearl two and surely something will stop unraveling soon.
Great post.
Double time. Sorry about that. Blogger tricks. I think my message was the same each time.