Today, I want to continue the conversation on “apologizing” we started on Monday. This seemed to touch a chord with many of you! It is clearly a topic many of us could explore further. I was especially struck by this comment from Sue Fox:
I try not to apologize for anything unless it hurts another person in some way, then my apologies are profuse. My art, however that may be expressed ~ photography, writing, dressing myself or my house are all extensions of my persona so to apologies for any of your artistic expression would be a rejections of self!
She touched on a couple of very important points I want to discuss further…
First, we should not hesitate to apologize when apologies are truly due. A true apology is a powerful thing. It is you going to someone else, humble, saying you were wrong. A true apology is a moment of extreme vulnerability. You offer yourself up to them and ask forgiveness. Whether or not they accept, an apology is a form of growth.
It is hard for us to give true apologies, isn’t it? You often hear, “I’m sorry, but…” Whatever follows the “but” is the explanation for the action. That’s not really an apology; it’s a justification. I’ve tried, more and more, to listen to how I’m apologizing. It’s amazing how much the “but” comes in there for me. True, sincere apologies are important and are something I’m continuing to work on personally. It’s hard work.
Now we come to the second point of Sue’s comment, on apologies for our art being apologies for our self. This is a powerful point, so let’s stop and read that again:
When we apologize for our art we apologize for our self.
Art is expression of self. When we create, it comes from some place deep inside us. When we follow our inspiration and our intuition, we are connecting with our truest selves. We are often expressing the part of our self we keep hidden from the world, maybe even hidden from ourselves. That’s why it’s often so hard to share our work, because it puts our true self out in the open. We are naked, vulnerable, and any comment or criticism can cut deeply. So we aim to protect our self, creating a tough, outer shell through any means possible. One of which is apologies.
When we apologize for what we create, we are apologizing for our expression and, by extension, apologizing for our truest self. Apologizing for our preferences or our beliefs does the same thing. It’s as if we are saying our opinions, our creations, our very self, is not worthy of expressing itself to the world.
That is So. Not. True.
We all have worth. Our creations have worth. For me, they bring me joy. They help me understand my place in this world. They give me a way to connect with others, when my introverted, shy self would otherwise hide in the house with a book. That is all worthwhile for me. And for you, too.
Whatever the reasons you create, your creations are worthy. YOU are worthy.
Now, I want you to sit up tall. Take a deep breath, and repeat after me:
I will stop apologizing for my art.
I will stop apologizing for who I am.
When I do apologize, I will really, truly mean it.
It’s a tough mantra to live up to, but I believe we all can do it. I believe we need to do it. Are you with me?
Yes, I am! We shouldn’t be apologizing for our self expression, as it is who
we are. It all starts with self love. Kat, I love your tree image — it is gorgeous!
I am too! Noting down that mantra as well! Love this post (and the one before) and Sue’s comment. Beautifully expressed – and great image.
I completely agree and thank you for reminding us and making it so clear! I LOVE your tree….Decim8?
Thanks Mary. Yes, Decim8 is the “icing on the cake” with this image. It was the last step of my editing process.
My personal trainer said something yesterday that really hit me. I have to stop hiding my talent under a bushel, it was meant to shine. My mantra for this week.
Yes, shine on!
I need some kind of flip switch because I have no problem apologising about my work or myself but the hardest words for me to say are “I’m Sorry” to someone else, even when I’m in the wrong. I really need to work on that.
I’m the same Kathryn, apologizing for things I shouldn’t and not apologizing for things I should!
Forgot to say that I absolutely love this image.
Wonderful Kat. I think we are all so guilty of this – more so than many other professions. A plumber doesn’t apologise nor a surgeon! What is it with us artists?
So true, Lisa! I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it probably comes down to the same thing: The very personal connection artists have with their work.
Excellent. It’s difficult, when we are unsure of our own abilities, to not apologize for what we are afraid might be inferior work. If we can recognize that while we may be somewhat unskilled, we are sincere and full of the passion to create, and we realize that we are more fortunate than most of the people on the planet. Why would you apologize for such a wonderful thing?
When you put it that way, you ask a good question – why would we ever apologize for having the ability, opportunity and passion to create?
I am curious about how much of a gender thing this is. I may very well be wrong, but it seems to me that most men don’t apologize for their art; they just suffer silently when they get negative feedback. I think that they hurt just as deeply as do women, but they tend to bury their pain inside.
I think there is a gender component to some of this. Brené Brown talks about how men and women respond differently to vulnerability in our culture in her book, Daring Greatly
. I highly recommend it!
I so love your tree Kat, and your spirit too.
I feel honoured that you pondered on my words…..
You do a wonderful work here, thank you.
Sue, thank you so much for making the original comment. It’s a great example of the power of conversation, it sparks new ideas and thoughts, growing and expanding what we learn.
I do tend to apologize for my art but have never thought of it as demeaning myself until now, after reading your post.
Great Picture!
Vi
I’m in, too! I copied your mantra onto a “sticky note” on my desktop to remind myself.
I’m with you! I need to post this in several places! It is a touch mantra, but one I need to live by!
A mantra to live by.
I love your image – the sense of movement and glowing light. Another favorite.
Wow!
P S
I can never see enough pictures of trees. Yours are fascinating!