It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.
— Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
If you’ve heard at all about BrenĂ© Brown’s latest book, Daring Greatly
It’s easy to get hurt, when you make yourself vulnerable in some way. We protect our hearts by pre-rejecting ourselves, not stepping up to participate at times. I almost did that this weekend, for an exhibition submission that was out of my comfort zone. I took a deep breath and submitted anyway. We protect ourselves by apologizing in advance. In order to avoid the hurt of someone else criticize us, we apologize for the things we fear.
I see this all of the time in online sharing. “So sorry,” someone will write, “Just one more shot of fill-in-the-blank. I promise.” I hear that as fear. Fear of bothering other people with something we love. Maybe fear of abandonment. As if everyone will completely desert the artist for sharing just one more image of something he or she is passionate about. Apologizing gives an out. So if someone says, “Yeah, I was getting tired of seeing fill-in-the-blank,” we are armored up and ready to hear it. It confirmed our fears. That may not be why they write those words, but I identify with them, and see my own fear reflected. I see myself in them, wanting to apologize for sharing just one more image of trees, or scooters, or whatever I’m really excited about at the time.
But here’s the deal… The passion someone has for what they do is usually what draws us to them in the first place. We resonate and reflect that passion back. It inspires us. It’s fun to see.
I don’t think we should ever apologize for sharing something we are passionate about. I think we need to take a deep breath and stand tall and say, “Here I am and this is what I love. When I share this, I am sharing part of who I am.” It’s time to dare greatly, and stop apologizing, stop pre-rejecting ourselves and stop all of the other little things we do to keep ourselves safe. If someone stomps on that, after you’ve nursed your hurt a little bit, I encourage you to look very closely at where it came from. Treat the person who stomped on you with compassion: It’s probably their own issue; their own fears talking.
So what is it you would do or share, if you wiped away your fear? What is it that makes you feel like you are daring greatly, putting yourself out there? For me, it’s submitting to an exhibition outside of my comfort zone. Or agreeing to do something that puts me in the public eye. Or maybe, just maybe, sharing a tree image for the hundredth time.
But one thing I’m not going to do anymore… I’m not going to apologize for what I love to create and share.
One of my activities this weekend was to create a gift for the folks who worked on my team on big project I talked about last week. We had an intense and stress-filled few months, right up to the deadline last Thursday, and they gave it their all. I had shared the “daring greatly” quote with them a couple of months ago, and decided to make these framed prints as a gift to give them at our celebration lunch today. I had no idea I that the art I’ve been creating these last couple of months that would look so good with a quote on them! I’m quite pleased with how they turned out. These 8x8inch frames are available in a 4-pack at Michaels and were perfect for simply finishing the prints. This is another great example of why I love to be able to print my own work.
I love this Kat! Sharing your heart reminds me of what I want my blog to be more about.
Beautiful!
Seth Godin, who believes that any endeavor can become a work of art, and that all of us have the capacity to be artists, maintains that something is not art until it is shipped, in other words, put out there. Until what we do is shared in some way with at least one other person, it is not yet art (at least according to Godin). Godin also maintains that artists (again, anything can be art) should share their art with audiences of their own choosing. We all know that it is futile to try to please everyone (although we often don’t act as if we know this). If we want to make money with our art, we may need to have another way to earn a living until we find an audience that is willing to pay for our art; (here, for me, art requires personal integrity in order to be truly art).
Fear of rejection can sometimes feel overwhelming. And this fear is real. Sometimes we do get negative feedback, and even from those whose opinions we value the most. Being an artist involves the risk of failure. And this risk never, and I do mean, never, goes away. My hunch is that the overwhelming majority of those whose opinions we value and who sometimes give us negative feedback are people who care enough about us to want us to create the best art of which we are capable. The greatest antidote to our fear is creating better art. And it is my belief that the hard work of creating “good” art never gets easy.
One other personal suggestion. We all need other people who believe in us and want us to become the best possible artists of which we are capable of becoming. We would do well to have two or three of these people with whom we meet regularly for mutual support and insight. Remember, those people are going to love you no matter what quality of art you crank out. Being loved always trumps being thought of as great artists. (In these relationships, I operate from a maxim: “Honesty without love is brutality; love without honesty is sentimentality.”)
Jack, I agree that good constructive feedback is needed to grow as an artist. But I think we have to seek that out and know when we are getting it, rather than living in fear of the “stompers” – those who criticize out of either ignorance or ill intent. We shouldn’t live in fear of them.
This is why each of us needs to be in charge of the feedback that we receive, and of who gives it. We also need to be clear about what we are looking for in feedback. This is a major disagreement that I have with duChemin. The purpose of feedback is to enable you to better accomplish goals that you have established. General, open-ended feedback usually says much more about the giver than the receiver of the feedback. If I am giving you feedback, I want to know where you want to go with your photography. For example, you have said that a primary goal for you is to have fun. You also have made clear that almost all of your photography is with an iPhone. And you have talked about your love of trees. All of this is helpful information for any giver of feedback. My goal as a giver of feedback is never to say what I would do if this were my photograph (that is unless you ask me that specific question).
In my opinion, the opinion of “stompers” is worthless. If the giver of feedback is not invested in me and in helping me to become the photographer that I want to become, I turn off their feedback and do everything that I can to not be exposed to it. On the other hand, if someone whose photographic opinions I value and who knows where I want to go says something hard to hear about my work, I listen and pay attention. In getting feedback from these people, I function very much as duChemin recommends. If I believe that they know where I want to go, I shut up and listen.
Kat, Those 4 trees in the foreground remind me of some very tall, fuzzy animal! I like the quote you shared. It helps, I believe, to not care so much what others think about what I do and what I create. I do it to share but also for myself. What a perfect gift for your team!
Beautifully expressed in words and images, Kat! I am guilty also of apologizing……just yesterday I met someone who asked me about
my photography and I started belittling it. Gotta stop that!
I try not to apologize for anything unless it hurts another person in some way, then my apologies are profuse. My art, however that may be expressed ~ photography, writing, dressing myself or my house are all extensions of my persona so to apologies for any of your artistic expression would be a rejections of self!
I love these posts they are to me our ‘fullest’ artistic expressions. x
You make an awfully good point, Sue, about apologizing being a reject of self. We don’t see it that way in the moment, but it is very true. And standing up to say, “I’m not apologizing for my art anymore” is really saying, “I’m not apologizing for who I am.” That’s powerful!
Sue, your comment so resonated with me, it sparked a whole new blog post! Be sure to come by today and read it.
This resonates so deeply with me. I’ve made myself a promise this year – which is to live without apology. This speaks so directly to that. Beautiful!!!
That is a wonderful promise to yourself, Marcie. I imagine by the end of the year you will be a changed person!
Those finished 8 x 8’s are truly precious. Lovely combination of photo plus meaningful quote.
Thanks Bo!
Oh, Kat, this is so powerful. It’s thought provoking and slams me in the gut because I so often speak disparagingly of my art. I tend not to share it for fear that it’s it’s not good enough. I ask myself why anyone be interested? I’ll tell you now that it took courage for me to tell you this about me and I had better post it before I change my mind. Perhaps it’s a first step. Thank you.
Vi
It is a first step! I congratulate you for making it. We’re here to support you!
Thank you! This is just what I needed to hear today after an intense personal training/counseling session this morning. I need to find the Joy in what I do and do it for me, and work on my own happiness instead of making sure everybody else is happy đŸ™‚
It’s funny how we think making everyone else happy is what we are supposed to do find our own happiness, when often it’s the opposite! I’m glad you came by and read this today.
PS – I agree that we should not apologize for our work. However, we should realize that once we put it out there, which I think that we should, we have no control over how anyone who sees our work will respond. But we do have complete control over who and what we will pay attention to.
Oh, this post really resonated with me. I do this – pre-apologize, both internally and externally – but never really recognized that I was doing it until reading your words. Thank you as always for sharing your personal insights and helping me recognize things about myself.
And what an amazing gift for your fellow team members.
It’s a subtle one, isn’t it Brenda? It is interesting how we find all of these sneaky, yet self-defeating, ways of protecting ourselves. Well, it would be “interesting” if it wasn’t so hard to get rid of them.
I’m thinking hard about these words, Kat. I frequently feel the need to apologize and defend my choices not just in my photography, but in my life as well. I have been working on a blogpost today and guess what? There in the middle is an apology because, of all things, I like strange weather… snow, fog, rain, cold! I’m headed right over to take that apology out! I am who I am and I like what I like! So there! That feels really good to say that! It is time for me to dare greatly, to stop apologizing, to be confindent in myself and in my photography! I haven’t read “Daring Greatly.” I’m now reading “The Gifts of Imperfection.” I’ll definitely be reading the next one. All four of your images are beautiful works of art! A deep heartfelt THANK YOU for your words today!
Yay Cathy! So there! I’m glad you went and took that action to actually take the apologetic words out. That is huge.
Pre-rejection, what a novel name to something I’ve done all my life… never feeling worthy, not good enough. Thank you, from now on I’ll stop apologizing, even if it’s just in my head, and dare to share freely… PS I’ve put your Postcard Swap button in my sidebar with a hotlink to your registration page…I’ve signed up and it does sound like fun!
Yay! So glad to have you in the swap, and taking the “no apologies” pledge. đŸ™‚
Fear of rejection is something I deal with all of the time. I think that’s why I gave up on physical art years ago and started creating digital art. It’s easy to fix anything you think isn’t “good enough.” My inner critic is always my worst enemy. Now I’m finally working my way back into painting through mixed media. Your post is wonderful!
Thanks, Kat. I needed that.
<3
Kat, this really resonates with me. Yes, with every post, with every painting I did and dare to show the world, with each and every photo I put myself out there and make myself vulnerable. What would be the alternative? To just let it sit on our desks? Every time I fear those critics – not the constructive feedback, but the hurting criticism – however, I have decided to be daring and not to apologize for something I love so very much and that is such a big part of who I am.
Wonderful post, Kat. Thank you for it.