Who am I?
I don’t recognize my reflection here. That’s me, but not the me I know.
There is something different. Different in the silhouette, different in the frame. I love it. I fear it.
Gah. Change. Why is it so fun and exciting, yet so hard at the same time?
I love this new direction in my photography. I love the painterly mood and emotion that I am evoking in my images. Within myself. It’s not about perfect focus or the place I am right now, but the feeling. The impressions of light and shadow and color and how they convey a sentiment beyond what is physically there.
Yet I am scared, too.
Scared because I thought I had myself all figured out as an artist and this is so radically different. I don’t know where this will lead. I’m not sure how it all fits together within my self. Within my heart and soul.
Exciting. Scary. The raw material for a period of growth. I don’t know who I am at the moment, but I’m moving ahead anyway. I will continue to reflect, and figure out how the pieces fit as I go along. Learn to recognize myself again.
This month I’ve been exploring some new directions with my photography, and it turns out the top images for my Photo-Heart Connection were all painterly in feel. Whether from my mobile camera or from my dSLR camera, these were the ones that called to my soul. I’ve always thought my painting and my photography would come together someday. I just never thought it would be like it’s happening right now. I’m reveling in the excitement but also stunned at the fear that it’s evoking in me. The questions. The rules and the “shoulds” it’s revealing, about my art and who I am as an artist.
I didn’t want to do the Photo-Heart Connection this month. I was really resistant. I think, deep down inside, I didn’t want to face my fears. But that’s what the Photo-Heart Connection does. It cracks you open and lays you out for the messages your heart has for you. It’s a powerful thing.
For that reason, I’d like to do a series of guest posts at the end of the year. I want to hear how the Photo-Heart Connection has impacted you this year. How did you approach this monthly practice? How has it fed your personal growth? Has it changed your photography? I would like to know, and I think others would too. We learn from each other, in this community of kindred spirits. Here are the submission guidelines:
- To be eligible, you must have participated in the Photo-Heart Connection at least 3 times throughout the year.
- Write an original (unpublished) piece about how the Photo-Heart Connection has impacted you this year. Length is up to you. Use as short or as long as you need to communicate your experience.
- Send it to me by December 15 at kat [at] kateyestudio [dot] com.
- Include a few of the images you selected from your Photo-Heart Connection practice this year, and a 2-3 line bio with links to your blog/site/social media.
I plan to select 5 to 6 posts from the submissions and will let you know by 20 December if you are selected. I hope you will consider participating. I’ve found the Photo-Heart Connection practice to be powerful and I know, from reading your posts each month, that many of you do too.
So what’s your Photo-Heart Connection for October? It’s time to share with us here. Link up remains open through November 7.
Hi Kat,
I’ve been really enjoying your Instagram images. The painterly effects are so awesome!!
I’m back here after a one month break. I love this monthly link up. It is so amazing. Thank you!
xxxxx
I love the painterly feel in your image, it was funny but I posted something outside the box for me yesterday with the same kind of feel. I too feel some kind of change afoot but I’m not yet sure where it will take me. Still waiting, wondering and pondering . . . maybe that’s why the idea of suspension in my image this month called me to it.
Love the idea of “suspension” Kathryn! I’m glad I’m not alone in this feeling.
Kat – both your strength and vulnerability, your fears and your bravery shine through in this post. You continue to be one of my artistic heros. Thank you for your example and your leadership and your ability to share both. I love where your new direction is taking you.
Love your images. You´re true: changes frightened us, but they are also enriching. However, in order to appreciate that side of it, we have to be strong enough to trust ourselves. When I started to take photos as part of my inner work, I didn´t imagine this could be so powerful, but it is, photos are gateways to a messages I need to listen regardless it´s focus or perspective… and it´s wonderful. That´s why I have loved so much the photo-heart connection from the very begining… I think I will submit a text.
Thanks for hosting this fantastic project xx
This is one really fine post, Kat. I so identify with your struggles.
Brave, to lay out your fears, but what other way is there? If we don;t face our fears and move through them, we risk never reaching out, reaching for the new and exciting, challenging ourselves, and growing. Those growing pains — sometimes they hurt so good!
In life we are always growing and changing which can often cause fear. It is when we truly know ourself, our wants and desires, our goals and our dreams, our talents and gifts that we can trust ourself to do what we need to do. Then we can move through our fears and truly enjoy the creative process we are always a part of. Photo-heart connection is something I do that helps me to truly know and understand who I am” Now”. Thank you!
Your picture is lovely.
I think it’s very cool that your photography is melding with your painting-also rather intriguing. I too have noticed an uptick in abstraction in my photos, though not as intensely as you speak of. I like this image you’ve selected.
Thanks for running the PHC and glad you didn’t listen to that doubtful voice that didn’t want to “do” it this month.
Thanks Susan. It’s interesting to hear that you notice a change in your work too. There’s one good thing about being the host of this link up: I can’t avoid it or put it off. 🙂
One thing that has amazed me about photography is how it keeps advancing and changing! When I first began, I just though you take a picture, that’s it! Definitely not so! The possiblities are endless on how that picture can be enhanced! I love the “painterly” look of you images. They represent a molding of your artistic abilities!
Your closing paragraph about the photo grabbed me. A period of change and growth can be unnerving & disturbing and yet… that excitement and the knowledge that we will recognize ourselves again. i like it…the photo and your words.
Well, Kat, I missed the deadline but I posted mine today. Here’s a link. http://www.poeticaperture.com/2012/11/09/november-photo-heart-connection/ Thanks!
So glad to have you, not matter when you make it!
Oh, I’ve been meaning to come back and comment on this, as when I posted my connection here I had to run right out the door! I especially wanted to comment because strangely enough I’ve seen a similar change or rather added dimension in some of my photography in this direction too. I have practiced abstract with slow shutter speed and camera movement, painting my photos in instagram, shooting through things, and very shallow depth of field…all lending to some blur and abstract softness. The funny thing is I hadn’t paid much notice to it until I read your photo-heart connection. But the more I think about it, it is reflecting my emotional side to how I connect to things on a very personal level. Hmmm, thinking, thinking, thinking…..