To color or not to color, that is the question. No, I’m not talking about photography, although it’s easy to get caught up in the color vs. black and white debate there. I’m talking about… hair.
This silly little question has taken up way too much of my brain space since returning from Italy. Not too long after moving from Italy I remember looking around a meeting at my corporate job and realizing that of the women in the room, all my age and older, I was the only one with any grey hair. There was lots of distinguished grey among the men in our similar age range, but not the women. Now, I know that’s not natural. I was the only one not coloring my hair.
So my brain starting working. Debating. Is it time to color? Do I need to color? What does it take to color? Would I feel better about myself if I no longer had grey hair? The arguments “against” are strong to my practical nature: Once I start coloring, I’m going to want to continue. It’s an added expense and activity that will go on and on. If I decide later I don’t want the color anymore, I’ll have to go through that horrible “growing out grey” phase.
But the arguments “for” are enticing. Coloring my hair would be another fashion choice. Something I could change on a whim, even more readily than my clothes. I could experiment. I would look younger.
I haven’t decided the outcome of the debate yet, as this self-portrait will attest. Or maybe I have. I hold out on color because of the commitment, but I also think there is more to it for me than that. I think I’m worried I might lose track of me, somewhere in the color. Lose track of some essence that says, “Hey, Kat, you are ok just as you are, hair and all.” If I’m not willing to accept a few grey hairs, a natural part of life, what other things will I want to change? Most things about me can’t be revised so easily.
So here I stay. In black and white with shades of grey. What’s you take on the color debate?
This month’s {in the picture} theme is “black and white.” All of my self-portraits in this project so far have been black and white, so the theme was not a stretch. The subject matter, however — me — is the stretch. I continue to be delightfully surprised at my growing ability to think of a concept for the self-portrait and then execute on it. This method of photography is different from my usual mode of operation, where I’m exploring my environment and finding compositions with my camera. I’m enjoying myself so far.
Hi Kat, I know exactly how you feel! I started asking myself the same questions as you! Not everyone who goes grey in Europe dyes their hair! Though I notice that people from the south (Italy, Spain, etc) have more of a tendency to dye their hair than people from the north! Even the men!
Each one will choose for herself (himself) what is right.
My hair started going grey a good while back, but since I had it highligted at the time, it didn’t really notice. Then, as time went by, as it inevitably does, the grey started to notice more and more and I was told that I needed ‘dark lights’ instead of highlights! This was getting ridiculous, so last year, I decided to go naturally grey! Why not? Why would I want to be different than I am? Why would I want to be something I’m not? Do I want to appear younger? If so, why?! My face shows my age anyway!
So here I am, being my age, being where I am today and not where I was yesterday or yesteryear!
Deep down, you will know what is right for you!
Sandra
Thanks so much Sandra. “Deep down, you will know what is right for you!” So true. As I take a self-portrait and immortalize my grey hair, I wonder if I’ve already made my decision.
Don’t do it Kat. Grey hair and wrinkles are part of ageing and a record of your joys and despairs, hopes and fears and, above all, experience. I decided a long while ago (!) not to change my grey hair and I wouldn’t even consider dyeing it now. Your whole pigmentation changes as you grow older and that’s your skin as well as your hair. If you try to dye to the colour you were when you were younger you may find it looks very hard against your older skin. Grey hair can look VERY glamorous 🙂
OK, I’ll start thinking glamorous Angie! Thanks for sharing your story. I love hearing the confidence in your decision. Inspiring!
I started going gray at age 18- thanks to my dad! In my forties, I colored it, but when I reached my fifties, I went natural. My hair is now silver and I love the color!
Be proud of your grays!
Thanks Barbara! I’m going to work on the proud part.
I know of one woman who when she started to go gray, she embraced it, and colored the rest a silvery white! She looked gorgeous! I know of another woman who went from a gorgeous brunette to a blonde when she discovered some white hairs. (I’m still not used to that one.) I’d definitely go to a stylist… I dyed my hair black from a box a couple of times, and it always looked like I dyed my hair from a box. A stylist is great about weaving in some gorgeous highlights or low lights and creating such pretty colors! Good luck with whatever you decide.
I’ve definitely hear that a stylist is the way to go, and to go to a stylist good with color too. Thanks for the stories and the advice!
I never tried to cover my gray, but maybe the decision was easier for me since I was born a blonde. My hair darkened in my 20s and 30s but started getting “blonder” again in my 40s as silver started coming in. The funny thing is that I still think of myself as a blonde, even though my hair now is more white than anything.
I tend to agree with Angie Willis’s comment. I remember Clairol’s “You’re not getting older, you’re getting better” hair color ad campaign, and being struck even then by the irony in that slogan.
It’s a personal decision for every woman, but if you’re on the fence, there are a lot of resources online for anyone looking for support or encouragement for staying or going back to gray. There are before and after photos of women who have let their dyed hair go natural that will inspire you for sure.
Ugh, seriously, that was Clairol’s slogan? Quite the irony. Thanks for the idea of looking for resources to inspire me in this decision! I had never thought of that…
hmmm…that’s a tricky one. I’ve got a slightly different take on that dilemma. See, I’m a really mousy blond that’s lately been more of a dirty light brown, if I’m honest about it. I really hate the colour, but have chosen to not colour it ’cause I’m really lazy. Yep…hair lazy. I’d continually look like I was at the growing out stage since I’d never get up the energy to colour the roots in. So, I’ve actually been looking forward to some gray showing up in order to naturally lighten my hair. I’m almost 42…and, to my chagrin, I’m still waiting for the gray to start. Seriously, I must the only woman alive WANTING to go gray….and the universe seems to be conspiring against me once again in order to not fulfill my wishes! LOL ;D
LOL, you are right, you might be the only woman wanting to grey Tezzie! I with you… hair lazy. That’s me.
This is a great topic for discussion, Kat. I think a decision on coloring your hair depends so much on your complexion and natural color, as well as type of hair you have. I love silver hair — it looks great even on young women who “gray” prematurely., The salt and pepper look is lovely too, isn’t that what you have? My natural hair is auburn….I did flirt with blonde highlights when I was in college. Even though I only have a few gray hairs, I began to color it myself to brighten it up after it started turning a mousey brown color in my late fifties. (Oh those hormones!) My Mom didn’t gray until well into her seventies — her color became an unattractive yellowish gray. If my hair goes that way, I will color it silver or a nice gray that would complement my freckles. 😉 Of course the bigger issue is feeling good about ourselves and accepting the inevitable changes that come with aging.
Your selfie is terrific!
I like the idea of coloring your hair to match your freckles Gina! Yes, my hair is quite salt and pepper. Getting more salty all the time!
It seems the consensus is to leave it alone. I agree. I colored my hair from the time I was 18 until just a couple years ago in my mid-50’s. When I was younger it was a once every 6-8 week process, then as the gray started showing I was coloring it every 3 weeks or I had what I referred to as the ‘skunk’ look with a stripe of gray at the part. Yuck.
My mom’s hair was a terrible mousy gray and I feared the same but finally bit the bullet and went through the expensive and time consuming grow out to see what natural color was hiding underneath all that Loreal. I have a cool head of white hair! Who knew? I’ve only had one person say I should color it back – all other friends and family love it. I love it, because it’s easy, cheap, AND it’s me.
Embrace the salt and pepper you. Smile and no one will notice a few gray hairs.
I love that Terrie: Embrace the salt and pepper you. I am going to pick that up as my mantra from now on. Thanks for sharing your story. And my grey is seems pretty white – I have hopes for a head of hair like yours someday!
Nice selfie! Colour, not colour – I’m sure you’ll look great either way!
It can be quite fun playing around with a bit of colour, but i can imagine it would be a pain to HAVE to colour every 4-6 weeks because the grey is showing. I have a friend who went grey in her twenties & had been dying her hair for 20 years- she decided to stop & while it took a bit of time to grow out the colour- she’s much happier & looks great!
Thanks Leanne!
Coloring your hair is such a personal choice and if you don’t mind a little maintenance, it can be fun. I Personally LOVE coloring my hair. I have been every shade of brown, red and blonde! I figure its hair….it grows out. I do home color-what ever I have a coupon for and have never had a problem. I always have fun with it. It can boost your ego, give you and extra zing in your step! Seriously…I say give it a try!
See, there is a part of me that just wants that fun of changing the hair color. But without the commitment and upkeep! I guess I’m realizing I’m kind of lazy about my hair in general.
Hi Kat,
I just had to jump in on this one – smile. I started coloring my dark hair in my 20’s because of grey hair. Oh my gracious me- almost 30 years of hair coloring!! When my friends ask me, I say if I had it to do over again I would not color my hair. Several times I have been tempted to grow out my hair, but I’ve chickened out. I would be grayer than my husband, my friends and even my mother! So I’m holding off for now. I assume that I will know when the time is right for me… (And it can be expensive! I am very lucky because my husband does my roots for me.) At least there are plenty of options out there for you to choose from. Good Luck with your decision…or even deciding not to decide for now..
Thanks Phyllis! It is great to hear all of these stories… from color to no color and the transition between.
Well as you know my hair is very light–white I guess you call it. My hair was very blonde when I was a baby and then started getting a bit darker as I aged. In my high school years I was still a blonde, but I was starting to get gray hairs. My dad’s hair was totally white by the time he was 16, so I guess I inherited it from him.
I began coloring my hair as it darken, so I could still have blonde. Always did it myself at home. Then in the early 90’s I decided to let my hair grow out to it’s natural color, which it is to this day.
I always hated grow out and think if a person is going to color then they need to do the maintenance. Of course this is my opinion.
I think your hair is beautiful and is “you”, so I say don’t do it.
Good luck working this out.
Your hair is awesome Krista! If I could skip all of this in-between salt-and-pepper nonsense and go straight to hair like yours I would be very happy.
Well, this topic certainly generated some interest 🙂
First of all – great selfie! Love the POV.
As a child, I had very light blond hair and even now that it has darkened, I still think of myself as a blond. About 15 years ago, I started highlighting it -I feel more like myself or at least my internal image of myself that way. It does take upkeep – every three months – but since it isn’t significantly different from my natural color, it simply fades in-between times. And since I have my hair cut every 4 weeks, it is just part of the routine.
Thus far, at 55, I don’t have any gray but I certainly won’t have a problem with going gray or white when that time comes.
LOL, yes, lots of interest! Wow, 55 and no gray Brenda! I’ve had some since my 20’s and it’s been increasing, especially after my son’s birth (my hair darkened, and more grey) and while in Italy. A hair cut every 4 weeks! I couldn’t imagine that often, but you’re right, it does make the upkeep on the color easier. Thanks for weighing in!
I will be 50 this year and I have been coloring my hair on and off for probably 15 years. It’s mostly my kids that fuss at me when I don’t color it, I think they don’t like the idea of me showing signs of age. The cool thing that I have noticed is that my really fine thin hair is thicker and has more body on the grey strands. With me the roots don’t grab my attention, my hair doesn’t hold the color well and it just fades away all over. As I type this I am in need of new color and unambitious to do anything about it. Perhaps when my daughter starts commenting I will decide. For now it just might be okay. It seems a shame that in society it is more acceptable for men to grey and women to hold it off as long as possible. Perhaps we should simply allow life to take it’s course in matters such as these.
How cool – your hair is getting thicker. Who would have thought of that as a benefit of grey hair? It’s the need to do something about it on a regular basis that would drive me crazy… I have a hard enough time getting myself to a hair cut when I need it!
If done “right” I think gray hair is just beautiful. Although I cannot say for sure, I think when I really start getting a lot of gray, I will want all of it gray, but I also know that that is a very difficult thing to achieve chemically. I am sure you will decide what ultimately feels right for you!
I think I’m going to be “in transition” for a while, if my Mom is any example. We’ll see what happens!
Been there done that. I went through the exact same thing. Decided to grow it out – all natural. Went through the whole pain and agony of it. Took a trip and when I got home I looked at all the photos… I looked like an old woman. So back to coloring asap. I would never go back unless it was at a point that my hair was totally white like my mother’s hair, but I have about 20 more years before that happens. Just my opinion!
And I thank you for your opinion Robin! It’s such personal choice, clearly made with great internal debate.
I love my grey hair! I’m 55 now, and I let it go natural a few years back. I’d been colouring it since I was a teenager, more for fun than anything else. I’ve been blonde, brunette, hennaed, and most recently plum-coloured (I liked that one). Since I was in my twenties, I’ve had a streak of pure white hair at the front and I used to leave that bit as it was, giving myself a sort of ‘Mallen streak’. The decision to stop colouring was made because the condition of my hair had suffered because of all the dyes, and it just wasn’t looking nice, or healthy. Having gone through the awful part of growing it out, I’m very happy with it now. It’s shiny and soft and healthy and, more importantly, it feels like me. I’ve had no end of compliments since I let it go grey and I think I look much nicer like this. Besides, I’m middle-aged and why should I feel the need to deny that? I don’t want to try and hide my age – all I want is to look as good as I can , but to do it in a positive way rather than a ‘scared of ageing’ way. I’ve found that letting my natural colour come through has emphasised the blue of my eyes a lot more and I’ve actually had one person say I look younger like this!
However, I’m definitely not knocking anyone who chooses to keep dying. Having different colours is fun, and some natural hair colour doesn’t look good at all as it greys. ( I think yours would, Kat, as it’s very dark.) I’ll wait with interest to see what you decide – and remember it’s not irreversible, especially if you try the longer-lasting semi-permanents as opposed to permanent dye. You could always experiment with these – they’ll wash out after a few weeks – and see how you feel. And if you decide to leave it be, have a look at these lovely ladies all of whom look amazing and have ditched the dye: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/beauty/hair/celebrity-gray-hairstyles#slide-1
One last thing: I’ve heard two phrases for grey hair that make it sound a lot nicer – you can choose between calling yourself an Arctic Blonde, or a Silver Fox. How great does that sound?!
I resonate with your words, “all I want is to look as good as I can.” I think we all feel that way, and we make different choices as you mention. Thanks for the link! Interesting to see the pics.
I started going gray in my late 20s so there really wasn’t much debate for me, I’ve been coloring ever since. I do love having the ability to change hair color on a whim (and do.) But I think eventually I will give it up and grow it out. A friend (with brown hair similar to my natural hair color) successfully made it through the grow out phase by weaving in blond highlights to make the gray blend in better.
First, I love the look of the silver threads in your dark hair. Very elegant!
Once you start coloring, it’s tough to stop. I’ve been coloring my hair for more than 20 years and often resented the need to keep touching up the roots. Certainly when the hair stylist does it with highlights and all it looks nice but who can afford to do that all the time?
Just this month I’ve decided to let the color grow out. I have about an inch of pure white roots showing now and I plan to get most of the light brown colored part cut off very soon. I didn’t want to do it earlier but since I’m 65 now, I guess I have to allow my hair to match my face.
try a weave… I started getting high & low lights in my hair at 51. It’s worth it! I’m not trying to hide my gray & as I age I think it will be easier to have my hair color mature naturally… a bit at a time. BTW – I only get a color weave every other time… so about 5 times a year.
I like the angle of this shot and you have lovely thick hair.
I love your photo. The angle is wonderful. I started getting my first gray strands in high school. As I had VERY dark, almost black, hair they really stood out. I’ve been coloring my hair for a long time now. I started out doing it myself, but I was kinda ruining my hair. I go to a salon now – my stylist says that the box stuff has some harsher chemicals in it. Although it is a bit of a pain to go, I look at it as a time to pamper myself. I get to just sit and read a book or magazine, chat and relax while I’m there. I’ll go natural at some point, but I guess I’m just not ready yet. Some people can really pull off going gray at a young-ish age. I don’t think I’m one of them. It may have to do with what kind of gray you’ve been blessed with and you complexion. Good luck with your decision – it’s a tough one!
kat, so glad to see you embracing the selfie project! i love your words and the description of your internal debate over the hair color issue. mine are slowly starting to appear one by one and i have chosen not to color yet!
thanks for linking up at {in the picture} this month. xo
Its you, beautiful you, Kat. I know lots of people who go with the dye route. You will just have to go with what your heart says. Good luck